They say...

What people don't know won't hurt them, right?

Wrong, that is all wrong.

What people don't know won't hurt but at the same time they really don't want to know what's going on.

They would rather live in the illusion that everything is okay.

Because when everything is okay there is nothing to worry about.

I've lived in the illusion but here is some simple math that everyone should know...

Closed door + Loud music = a lot of crying that someone doesn't want you to know about.

Yes there are exceptions but for the most part this is accurate.

Trust me i know.

I have no idea how many times i did this when i was in grade school, middle school and high school. And unfortunately even today.

I'm not happy with life right now.

It happens.

I need a purpose i need a reason to wake up in the morning instead of laying in bed all day.

I don''t want to become like her.

It scares me more then anything in this world.

anyone that ever said i'll be here...isn't

It really busts my ass that i was there for them. Whenever, wherever.

I guess that's the way of the world...

I don't think...

I'm supposed to have friends...i know how that sounds but it's true.

They either just stop talking to me or things just get in the way.

Whether it's my fault or their fault i don't know.

But just once i thought things were going to be different but then i knew it was bound to happen and it is again.

Of course this is being made out to be my fault. which it partly is.

"can you honestly say you have never questioned being friends with me. Not once."

if he says no he's lying. pretty much. means he has and im pretty sure i know when.

It can never be like it was before, why did i have to go and fuck it up!

I feel so stupid. I'm not mad at him, i'm mad at myself. I hate myself for what happened.

Don't tell me it's not my fault, it is.

I don't want to be a pain in the ass. I really don't.

I don't wanna cause you stress. Maybe i need to go away from you.

Why would you ask me how i messed up our friendship why would you make me say it!

I can't say it, i can't

This didn't help. i have a headache, my back hurts and i'm emotionally exhausted

So i'll find...

what lies beneath your sick twisted smile : )

had to start this one with lyrics because...on Feb 20th i'm going to see Breaking ben, Three days grace and Flyleaf!!! I'm so excited!!

but i picked these lyrics because what lies beneath his sick twisted smile is a guy i'm not too fond of.

So an average day for me is pretty boring but i had friends to look forward to coming here. Now not so much.

He just doesn't make me smile like he used to.

And that's okay, it's better then ok.

It's better this way.

To see you as i see the others, no more special treatment.

by the by that is a pic of how much snow we got...can't even see my feet : P